For all the buzz about BDSM, fisting, and butt play, a lot of us still spend a good chunk of our sexy time in the missionary position. In this week's Sex Talk Realness, Cosmopolitan.com gets back to basics, speaking with two men about the least talked about (and most underrated) of sex positions.
Click here to read what WOMEN really think about the missionary position.
How old are you?
Man A: Thirty-two.
Man B: Twenty-six.
What do you like about the missionary position?
Man A: I like the intimacy of being able to look into my partner's eyes.
Man B: It's simple and straightforward and everybody knows what is expected of them. It's flexible too: Like, you can really go for it tooth and nail, or you can take it slower. Plus, it's (generally) easy to do lots of smooching at the same time. I feel like I should add that it's a good position for looking at boobs too.
Is there anything you don't like about missionary?
Man A: Straight-up missionary is challenging to reach orgasm in. The angles don't seem to work well for either party.
Man B: I'm really tall, and my girlfriend is a normal human height, so when all the necessary bits are lined up correctly for missionary position, her face is pretty much level with my nipples, which isn't quite ideal. The other main drawback would be that it's fairly labor intensive so fatigue can become an issue.
Do you prefer it to other positions?
Man A: Like everything in sex, it's really about where the mood takes you. There are times when missionary is the best position bar none, at other times it can be a nice interlude between other more exotic positions.
Man B: I wouldn't say I "prefer" any one position more than any other. It's all about variety. Although, if I had to pick one sex position to stick with for the rest of my sexually active life, then I think missionary would be a good candidate. I hope I'm not revealing myself to be too much of a prude if I say that the "big four" are missionary, her on top, spooning, and doggy style.
How old were you when you first had missionary sex?
Man A: I lost my virginity at 19. It was my first time but not hers. The entire experience was less than amazing to be honest. I was excited but she wasn't really into it. It took years before we found our groove. Missionary is much more a part of my sexual relationship now than it was back then.
Man B: I was 16 when I first had sex in the missionary position and it was also the first time having sex in any position besides oral. It was good fun because I was having sex with a naked girl, which, for a teenage boy (or even an adult man), is pretty neat. I didn't even think of it as being "the missionary position" at that point. It was just an ergonomic way to get things done.
How often would you say you use the missionary position during sex now?
Man A: I think missionary makes a part of at least 40 percent of the sex that my current partner and I have now.
Man B: I think probably 9 times out of 10, we'll have sex in the missionary position, among other positions. My girlfriend is currently very pregnant, which means less sex, despite rumors to the contrary. And when we do have sex, missionary isn't very big-belly and bad-back friendly.
How does it compare to other positions for getting you off?
Man A: It isn't the easiest position to get off from but it can happen.
Man B: It's a position which we can both pretty much rely on to get us off. From my point of view, it's good because I can go as fast/hard as I need to, or I can slow down if I need to delay things. Plus, it makes pulling out easy (although, my pregnant girlfriend may disagree).
Why do you think the missionary position has such a bad reputation?
Man A: I think that porn has a lot to answer for. As a young guy growing up with the start of the wide use Internet, pornography was readily available and it certainly changes the perspective of what "normal" is.
Man B: Probably because of the name. It conjures up images of great-grandparents and holes in bed sheets, etc. And I guess that because it is pretty much the bread-and-butter of sex positions, the assumption is that if you're happy with it, you must be kind of unimaginative or unadventurous.
Have you ever found that your partner(s) don't want to do missionary, because it's not interesting enough?
Man A: My current partner will usually initiate a change in position if she's bored of it but it seldom occurs from missionary. It is a very close and intimate position.
Man B: I don't think that's ever been an issue. I think sometimes my girlfriend feels as though she's making me do all the work if we stay in that position too long, so she feels some pressure to switch things up.
Are there any tips or tricks you use to make it more pleasurable for you?
Man A: Tilting my pelvis so as to accentuate the angle of entry increases the friction and thereby pleasure. Another thing I like to do is to really hold on to her, my arms wrapped around her allowing us to meld together.
Man B: Having a bed with a rail at the bottom helps. It allows you to kind of anchor yourself a bit better. And a pillow under her bum/lower back can improve things too.
Is there anything you do to make it more pleasurable for your partner?
Man A: The same pelvis tilt as before alters where the head of my penis touches inside her. This can make it pleasurable, though I have had one partner for whom this caused pain so I think it is more of a trial and error thing rather than a hard and fast rule.
Man B: She likes it when I reach down and play with her clitoris at the same time. Obviously this means that a fair bit of my weight gets transferred onto her though. And kissing at the same time makes it more pleasurable for both of us.
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