While shower sex is hot and sexy in theory, anyone who has ever actually attempted it can agree that it is in fact, The Worst: Your mobility is super limited because you're in a confined space, the risk of slipping is somehow even more likely now that you're trying to coordinate around a whole other body, you're likely freezing (water can't hit both of you at once). And worst of all, the sex actually sucks because water isn't lube and everything feels like smashing two sheets of dry rubber against each other (sorry). Thankfully, there are solutions:
1. The Problem:
You're so scared you're going to slip and break your skull open that you can't focus on having an orgasm.
The Solution:
Suction cup grab bar.
While these grab bars are actually most often used to help elderly people get into and out of the tub without slipping, if you do some research, you'll see there are some expensive versions marketed as specific shower-sex handles. Of course, why pay for the markup when the elderly version is the same thing if not sturdier, cheaper, and with more reviews to back it up? Obvi don't hang your entire body weight on the thing, but the peace of mind you can get from just knowing you can shift positions without dying in the bathroom is pretty neat. Get two so you have one for both hands.
2. The Problem:
You're still worried about how one lift of your foot could land you in the hospital.
The Solution:
Non slip shower mat.
This one is just common sense. Attempting shower sex without some sort of insurance that you can get sudsy without slipping is just gambling with your life, TBH. Get a mat in a clear color that's easy to clean.
3. The Problem:
Water...is not lube.
The Solution:
Specially formulated lube for shower sex.
I know what you're thinking: how is it possible you've gone your whole life without knowing this thing exists? Who cares! I'm telling you it's here now. This lube is specially formulated for shower/bath/hot tub (But like, only if you have your own. Don't fuck up the hotel hot tub for everyone, please). Not only is the silicone-based formula long lasting, it also washes off easily with soap so when you're done, you can spend that time cuddling on dry land and not having to slough sticky stuff off your half-clean bod. Plus, the packaging is designed to be opened with one hand, like some sort of fancy sports drink — so in-shower fumbling can be kept to a minimum.
4. The Problem:
Soap is not that sexy.
The Solution:
Vibrating loofah.
No, it probably isn't as strong as your bedside vibrator, but points for novelty, right? The waterproof bullet tucks neatly into a loofah so you can make pre-coitus lathering even more fun. It also looks exactly like every other plastic mesh sponge loofah so you can hang it in your shower without fear of having to hide your toys when you have guests over. And just because it's technically a sex toy doesn't mean you can't also use it as a loofah. Lather your partner up and have them do the same for you. This might be the one instance where "wash each other" (lol) is actually sexy.
5. The Problem:
You've exhausted every position where your feet are firmly planted, but have no way of sturdily spicing it up.
The Solution:
Shower foot pedal
So now that you've at least taken the fear of sudden death by tile out of your mind, you're ready to get REAL wild and, I don't know, maybe lift a leg during penetration so you can feel everything super deeply? Look no further. This foot rest can't support all your weight, but it should be enough for you to shift positions or re-angle yourself for maximum satisfaction. Bonus: it's actually meant to be used as a foot rest while shaving, so you know, you can also do that too!
6. The Problem:
You love the idea of shower nooky as foreplay, but prefer to have your entree on dry land. Too bad there's no sexy way to dry off and move the party to the bedroom in a timely enough manner that the mood is still set.
The Solution:
Waterproof sheets.
There's no need to be precious with waterproof sheets. You can jump sopping wet into bed to continue the action without worrying about any mildewy smell you're breeding for the future. These probably aren't the Egyptian cotton high-thread-count stuff of your dreams, but honestly, small price to pay for peace of mind.
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