Despite increasing pop culture coverage, anal sex is still heavily stigmatized. After all, the old adage goes that guys are into it because it’s “tighter” than your vagina and they’ve seen it in porn, and women will occasionally acquiesce as a bargaining chip or save it for special occasions only. While this might be true for some women, assuming it goes for all women is completely unfair. A lot of women try anal not for any dude, but because they’re into it themselves! Here, five women who have actually had anal sex explain their motives, how they prep, and whether or not it’s actually ever gotten them off.
Probably the No. 1 thing everyone wants to know is ... does it hurt?
Woman A: It honestly does hurt, be prepared, and use lots of lube if you want an easier time. The first time I tried it was with an ex, he said “don’t worry if we’re in the shower it’s just like lube” *eye roll* that is absolutely false, use lube.
Woman B: At times, it can be uncomfortable, but I don't recall that it ever really hurt. I've had partners who are very attentive and listen to my needs, so I've never experienced pain. There are times, however, when a larger penis may cause cramping.
Woman C: For me, it did. That first time was like, "Oh dear god, nothing is supposed to go in there." You really have to relax. Like a lot of deep breathing and you have to let everything go. Then it kinda stops hurting when you finally relax, but for me, it can get bad again when he starts thrusting. I read that putting in a plug during foreplay helps a lot, but I've never used one.
Woman D: Yes! If it didn't, this wouldn't be a topic of conversation.
Woman E: It definitely hurt the first few times. Now? It doesn't hurt at all and mostly feels good.
Why do it?
Woman A: From my experience it is more about the pleasure of the male than the female. For the guy, it is tighter hole — not to be crude — for the female it hits different parts than regular sex and can feel good when done right.
Woman B: For me, anal play intensifies my orgasm. The first toy I tried was anal beads, and I was surprised how much pulling them out at the point of climax made the orgasm so much stronger! It is the same for me with plugs or a real, live, human penis. The orgasms I have when anal stimulation is involved are just so much more intense than other orgasms.
Woman C: I decided to try it because I'd heard it can be really pleasant and some girls can orgasm from it. It's also really taboo and naughty, and I'm one of those girls who likes that. So I thought I'd give it a shot.
Woman D: I usually only do it when drunk and if trying to impress the lucky dude I'm with.
Woman E: Knowing that it's kind of taboo in a way makes it a huge turn on. And having sex when you're super turned on (instead of like, routine post-date night sex) is way more satisfying overall. In my experience, anal is never the main event. It’s more like afterplay, or even the big finale. It’s usually for just five minutes after we’ve been having intercourse for a while (20–30 minutes.) After anal intercourse, sex is officially over because if I have an orgasm, there’s no way I can continue. That’s how good anal sex is!
Who wanted to do it more — you or your partner?
Woman A: The guy, my ex definitely wanted to do it more. In fact, I got to his apartment that was decorated in candles after being gone for a few weeks. My ‘exciting surprise’ was anal.
Woman B: It was a boyfriend who initially talked me into trying it. Now, I ask for it about as much as my husband does.
Woman C: Me. I had heard that some girls love it, so I wanted to try it. The guy I'm with is not really into it, which is part of the reason I've only done it three times.
Woman D: Him. When it happens, it's because I've conceded. Depends on how much I'm into him ... and afterward, I kind of feel like he "owes me something."
Woman E: I've done it with a few guys and it's always been a mutual desire.
What does it feel like the first time?
Woman A: The first time hurt. Use a lot of lube. I could feel my ass being stretched and it was extremely unpleasant.
Woman B: I imagine it could be painful with a lover who is not very considerate, or if you are uncomfortable voicing what you need. For me, we went very slow the first time and let me get adjusted to the new sensations. Once I was comfortable, however, I was begging him to speed up and go harder.
Woman C: It's weird. It feels tight and not pleasant. It feels like a muscle cramp. Like you're trying to open a muscle and stretch it out and it doesn't want to listen. That's what it feels like at first. I didn't like it. And then you relax and it feels a little better.
Woman D: At first, extremely unpleasant. Kinda feels like a penis going in your anus.
Woman E: The first time it feels like an uncomfortable medical procedure.
What does it feel like over time?
Woman A: It does get better over time, I think a huge part of the problem is that relaxing is really hard and you end up clenching up your body, including your butt. This only makes it worse, because well there is a dick going in there.
Woman B: I don't have to start as slowly anymore, usually, unless it has been a very long time. We incorporate anal play into our sex life on a regular basis, usually. It is actually my favorite porn to watch when I'm masturbating. The act itself and the thought of the act both turn me on.
Woman C: It feels like you're full and it's super-intense.
Woman D: Over time, you adjust. Similar to vaginal intercourse, I suppose.
Woman E: Over time, you know what to expect and how to enjoy it. It also hurts less because you're not as tense and nervous (if you liked it the first time, that is!)
Does it ever feel good?
Woman A: It does feel good after a while, just be relaxed, use lots of lube, and I think it works best when it is coupled with clitoral stimulation.
Woman B: Oh, god, yes! I wouldn't keep doing it if it didn't!
Woman C: I know some girls who love it ... [but] it's one of those things that definitely takes more than one try to see if you like it.
Woman D: It never really feels good. Just becomes more tolerable, I suppose. It also depends on the size of his manhood.
Woman E: Yes! Anal sex feels great when you're with someone who lets YOU be in control of the speed and force, if that makes sense. Plus you have to combine with vaginal or clitoral stimulation for it to feel really good.
Do you feel like getting a wax back there is "expected"?
Woman A: Maybe, if his mouth is going anywhere near there, probably!
Woman B: I'm in a long term relationship, so we actually help each other groom a bit. I would think if you wax elsewhere, you'd want to wax there as well. I've had it done before and it feels about the same as the other areas covered in a Brazilian.
Woman C: I don't think you have to get waxed. In the beginning of my relationship, I'd get Brazilians, but now I rarely wax for him. So I wasn't waxed. [But] it might the girl feel more comfortable if she is waxed, if she worries about that stuff.
Woman D: No, a wax isn't required ... I suppose any dude who's into anal wouldn't be so particular as to request a smooth entryway.
Woman E: I don't think it's expected, honestly. If a guy is doing anal with you, he probably doesn't care about a little bit of natural body hair back there.
On average, how soon in the relationship — if it's a dating scenario — do you think it generally happens?
Woman A: For me, it was about 6 months into our relationship. We had a kinky relationship as it is, so I’m not sure what’s normal.
Woman B: True story – the man who is now my husband and I went there on the very first night, but that is highly unusual for me! It just felt right with him, for reasons that are now, I guess, obvious, since we've been together for over 7 years. I would say usually as soon as you are comfortable really talking about sex. Even if you 'clean up' before you play anally, there are still times it gets messy unexpectedly so you should be at a point in your relationship where that would not be an issue.
Woman C: We had been together for seven months before we did it. But I know girls who do it when they first hook up with a guy. But those are the girls who love it.
Woman D: Hmm ... in my experience, if he's into it, you know soon into the relationship. This type of "fetish" isn't easily concealed, in my opinion.
Woman E: At least six months to a year in, when you've already explored the more general sexual activities thoroughly and feel comfortable with each other to get even more intimate.
How much lube? What brands are best?
Woman A: Not sure how much exactly, just lather it on…
Woman B: I really like silicone lubes, like Pjur or Uberlube. Recently my husband has suggested we try some thicker, more viscous lubes for him (yes, he likes anal, too!) so we will be trying out some new ones this weekend. Planning a run to the adult store tomorrow.
Woman C: Lots of lube! Like, lube on me and lube on him. I couldn't even imagine doing it without lube.
Woman D: Lots. Any kind. Even saliva if nothing else is available.
Woman E: Lube is tricky because you don't know if it will feel okay until you try it. The first time I used lube during anal sex (I think it was KY) I actually felt an uncomfortable tingling sensation when the anal intercourse started that wore off eventually, but it wasn't very pleasant. I'm not a lube expert but we've now been using Wet Platinum Premium Silicone and it's perfect for the occasion.
Do you bleed?
Woman A: I didn’t bleed but I did feel stretching, I had to make him stop a few times the first time because I was scared skin was going to rip.
Woman B: Occasionally, but never much. There is a slight chance of tearing around the anus if you like things fast and hard, as I do.
Woman C: I didn't bleed (well, at least not that I know of). But I feel like it's totally possible, especially if the guy forces it or you don't use lube (cringe).
Woman D: Not that I recall.
Woman E: Nope! No bleeding.
Do you spread a towel on the bed or anything?
Woman A: Yes, I would recommend spreading a towel on the bed because there is always a possibility for a mess.
Woman B: Yes, usually. Good for excess lube and in case it gets a little messy.
Woman C: I'm not really sure why you would? I feel like it isn't more messy than normal sex.
Woman D: Sheet stains are a risk and should be considered collateral damage.
Woman E: Nope, no towel either. Unless you're using the entire bottle of lube (probably not recommended) anal sex isn't any messier than vaginal sex in my experience.
Is there a big cleanup afterward?
Woman A: Many times that I have done it have been in the shower so no clean up. I haven’t had problems with feces or blood, just semen so whatever cleanup you would need for sex.
Woman B: Not really. I would say don't engage in anal if you feel like you may need a bowel movement soon as that would increase the risk it will be messy. Most of the time, it is not at all. If it is, a quick jump in the shower is all that is needed.
Woman C: I don't think there's a big cleanup. Especially if you have a condom. Just slip it off and that's all the cleanup we needed.
Woman D: [Not unless you had] Chipotle [beforehand].
Woman E: Not in my experience! For me, it's something that only lasts five minutes. You have to listen to your body.
Are there useful things re: angles that we should know?
Woman A: I think doggy style with clitoral stimulation works well, or him spooning you from behind, intimate and sensual.
Woman B: It's all about what is comfortable for you. I prefer to be on my knees or stomach, but you might like a different angle. I think on my knees is a great way for the receiver to control the speed, as long as their partner isn't someone who is going to grab and force it in.
Woman C: I did it doggy style the first time and then I did it with him sitting on a couch (I was on top with my back to his chest sitting on him). The second is definitely better. And according to two gay guys I know, the correct way to do it is to have the girl on top and she can ease herself down and go at her own pace, and once that happens you can flip yourself over so he's on top now and then you can do whatever you want. But the most important is for the girl to go at her own pace.
Woman D: I think doggy style is most conducive.
Woman E: Yes! Doggy style is the easiest to start with. I've tried other positions but found doggy to be the best one.
Condoms still, obviously, right?
Woman A: I would for the first few times. After that, it depends on the relationship you have with the person you are doing it with.
Woman B: Oh, yes, unless you and your partner as exclusive and trust each other implicitly. There is just as much of a chance of contracting just about any STI there is, especially for the receiver.
Woman C: Totally to the condoms.
Woman D: Even more so!
Woman E: Yes, always, no matter what.
Have you ever had an orgasm from anal sex alone?
Woman A: No, I have not!
Woman B: Yes and no. I usually use a vibrator on my clitoris along with anal penetration, but not always. So I usually cum during anal sex but with that additional clitoral stimulation. The times I've had anal sex without a vibrator, I've had a quite different sensation that what I typically think of as an orgasm, but it is very pleasurable. Maybe it is a different type of orgasm? I'm just not sure.
Woman C: No, but I've heard it's possible.
Woman D: Nope, but then again, I've never had one from vaginal penetration alone.
Woman E: No. My #1 tip for pleasurable anal sex is to do it doggy style, and while your man is thrusting away (slowly at first!) use your hand to stimulate your clitoris. If you can bring yourself to orgasm this way during anal sex, you'll see why people like it so much.
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