10 Shower Sex Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You

1. He’s less concerned with either of you orgasming and more concerned with not breaking his neck. Put a bath mat down. Getting leverage on the side of your bath is literally the only way anyone has a chance at an orgasm without dying.

2. He can’t fucking see. Water and steam are everywhere. Spraying into his eyes, running down his face. Your hair is whipping hard droplets directly into his cornea. It’s like a terrifying, horny, water park ride.

3. Your hair is all over. It’s stuck to him, the walls, everything. He’ll be pulling strands out of the various folds of his body for days afterwards. What is it about hair that makes it viscerally appalling the moment it leaves your head?

4. He gets to shampoo his pubes right away, which is a huge plus. If you don’t grow out your pubes, you will never understand why this is such a huge plus.

5. This would probably work better in a rich person’s shower. It looks great in movies because the showers are the size of most people’s bedrooms and all glass. There’s no curtain to get tangled in while you try to hump away in a damp, confined space.

6. It feels a little different. Shower sex is a lot slicker than regular sex, and that should go without saying. But you can even feel like you’re lubed up times 1000. (Not always the same for women, for whom the hot water can actually feel drying.)

7. There are like three sex positions. Unless you decide to throw a bunch of towels on the floor of the bathroom and have sex on those. Which honestly gives you a better shot of finishing in the first place.

8. This is the longest he’s ever been in the shower. Seriously, how do you stay in here so long?

9. He’s freezing. Somehow, this whole time, you’ve stayed under the hot shower water while he’s stuck on the outs.

10. The wall he’s got you up against right now probably hasn’t been cleaned in months. It’s super hot to have him take you up against the shower wall, at least until you realize there’s a thin layer of grime over it. Maybe instead of post-sex cuddling he’ll get in there with a Brillo pad and some bleach.