Sex is meant to be… well, sexy. Which means that a lot of particularly unsexy things go right out the window if you're trying to make it as enjoyable as possible for your partner. While it’s perfectly natural to be driving in a car together talking about bills or the weather, those topics of conversation just aren't particularly suited to sex, no matter how breathy your voice is when you whisper, “I heard it might rain tomorrow.” But if you're still curious, here are nine things dudes would totally tell you during sex if it wouldn't ruin the moment:
1. He's getting tired. He’s going to soldier on to the finish line, so it’s not as if he’ll actually tell you this. But sex is cardio, and that can get exhausting after a while. He wants you to think he's strong enough to keep going for hours and hours, but in reality, it's looking more like the next seven minutes might be it.
2. He JUST remembered he has to pay the electric bill by tomorrow and he really doesn't want to forget but he also doesn't want to ruin the moment. We’ve all been here, where you realize mid-coitus “I need to remember this, but there’s no way I’m interrupting sex to go write this down, so I guess I’ll just forget it instead.”
3. He zoned out for a second. Maybe his blood sugar is a little low, or he found the rhythm a little too hypnotic and got lost in the moment. Whatever the reason, it just isn’t a great idea for him to mention this, no matter how he frames it.
4. ”Thank you.” This is a lame thing to say during sex. You say this to your bus driver or a server at a restaurant, not someone who’s about to give you an amazing orgasm. Saying thank you is polite, but nothing about it is sexy. Go ahead, right now, try and say “thank you” and make it sound sexy.
5. He’s not sure what that smell is. There are a lot of smells. That could be the room. It could be his breath or his balls or his ass or the half-empty bottle of Gatorade on his dresser that's been sitting in the sun for a month. Best not to worry about that right now, though.
6. He’s taking this all in so he can save it in his mental trove of masturbation material. It’s a compliment for sure, but it’s hard to make this not sound creepy. This is best played close to the chest.
7. He can’t remember the last time he cleaned the sheets. There’s nothing constructive that can come out of him realizing this out loud. You’re both in the thick of things right now, so better to just make a mental note and move on.
8. He’s wondering what it’d be like if he had two penises. He’s not thinking about this the whole time or anything. He’s just really curious if sex would be better or more to juggle. Would both penises have separate balls? Could they orgasm independently? Much to think about here.
9. He sort of has to pee. Here’s the thing, if you’re right in the middle of sex and he kind of has to pee, he’s out of luck. Going into the bathroom and trying to get his erection down to a point where he can pee is just going to take too much time, and by that point you could be asleep.
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